Much like Captain Jack Sparrow's poignant "But why is the rum gone?", sometimes it is critical in life to ask the right questions. Here are a few examples of the right question to ask in various life situations the next time you encounter them (and you will, probably the next time you open facebook).
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: Why do women always date assholes and then complain that there aren't any nice guys?
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Why are assholes always so goddamn good looking?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Why am I always stuck with the last pick? Or alternately, who keeps letting Chuck Norris pick first?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Can you please explain Lyme disease to me?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: If a train leaves New York traveling west at 50 mph and another train leaves California traveling east at 45 mph, where and when will they meet?
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Who the fuck takes trains anymore?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: You can't have your cake and eat it, too.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Why don't we just buy a bigger cake next time?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: How do you know that?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: I loved him enough to let him go.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Was he dangling over the edge of a cliff?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: Don't give advice that isn't asked for.
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: Will you marry me?
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: What's in it for me?
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS: I'm just going to keep hoping & praying until my problem goes away on its own!
THE RIGHT QUESTION IS: And which hand are you going to shit in?
I would write some more, but some guy just stashed vodka in the bushes in front of my work so I have to go refill the bottle with water and put it back now.
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