But pajamas (much like tequila shots) are an example of a wonderful thing that can go terribly wrong when abused. Those who know me well at all are familiar with my stance on leggings-as-pants. Those who don't know me well are about to find out about my stance on leggings-as-pants: NO. NONONO. THEY ARE NOT PANTS. Pajamas, though? I mean, let's put this on a scale. And because I'm feeling moderately creative, let's make it an infographic (or, at least, my lazy, slapped-together version of an infographic that I can make without getting off the couch and using no equipment but my brain, my coffee, and my chromebook).
So as we can see by this highly sophisticated and educational chart, wearing pajamas outside of your home is so bad that it lives, on the wtf scale, somewhere far, far beyond leggings as pants. It lives, actually, "above and beyond" matching sweatsuits in a very literal sense.
So we've established that wearing pajamas outside of your house does not look good, but let's explore why else you should never, ever do it.
Most people want their clothes to say something about them. Maybe all you want your clothes to say is "I know how to match stuff!" or "Look, I just bought this!" and that's okay. Maybe you want your clothes to be a little edgier, say something like "I do crazy things in bed!" or "I briefly romanticized the idea of prison after watching every episode of Orange is the New Black on the same day!" and that's okay, too. Some people want their clothes to say "I have lots of money and nothing else to spend it on!" or "I live on a diet of dehydrated kale and pages from the September Vogue issue", and that's okay, too. Your clothes can say whatever you want them to say, but the general purpose of clothes is for them to say at least one thing: "Look, I got dressed today!"
Pajamas, when worn out in public, do not say this thing. Pajamas in public do not say anything good. Pajamas don't even say anything, they just sort of vaguely and listlessly imply that you're either deathly ill or so lazy and gross that you probably don't even bother to wipe yourself when you poop. Either way, you shouldn't have left your house today... and you DEFINITELY should not have come to the library, but maybe I'm biased.
Maybe you think if you are wearing pajamas you are being cute. Maybe you think it's an updated, revamped version of that weird pacifier-around-the-neck and side-ponytail thing that briefly happened in the early 90s. (Although, if this is the case, I have to seriously question why you would want to emulate the worst thing that ever happened to clothes in the 90s... yes, I'm including hammer pants and yes, I'm including scrunchies. The. Worst. Thing.) And I will grant you, there are some very narrow circumstances that allow for pajamas in public to be cute. Namely, the person wearing them has to be too young to physically dress themselves. So, if you are not a baby, then you should not be wearing pajamas in public.
Maybe you think, in some weird and misguided way, that wearing your pajamas out in public is sexy. It's not. I don't care if they're tweety bird flannels or a lace teddy, if they're pajamas they belong in your house. Nobody is thinking "Wow, look at that person in their PJs. It just makes me think about them being in bed... mmmm yeah I want to be there, too." Everybody, EVERYBODY is thinking, "Oh my god, is he/she sleepwalking? I better go wake them up so they can put some real pants on."
Maybe you're just super lazy/tired/sick and you HAD to go out but you just didn't have the strength or inclination to get dressed. Well, then maybe you should have just conducted all your errands today through a third party, or at least a drive-through. (Unless you are ordering more than three things at the drive-through, in which case you better wear the clothes you want to be buried in, because I'm not fucking around with that.)
If you have the strength to drive your car, or call a taxi, or wait at a bus stop, or walk your sorry ass to a physical space other than the one you live in, then you have the strength to put on some goddamn pants. You know what? Even leggings. Leggings are still better than pajamas. At least leggings say to the world, "I am trying! I got dressed! I'm just not very good at it, and I probably have a very high opinion of the shape of my own butt!" Which, you know, is still a message, so it's okay. It's not a message I particularly want to receive, but taste is relative. Pajamas are not.
